My summer was nearing a close, August was coming and I had it all planned out. Until God whispered, “Shut it down for 31 days”.
What?! All of it? I tried bargaining for the blog, its not technically a social media outlet. Or twitter at least- I mean – “God? It’s only 140 characters?!” Nope. This was the first time ever, the thought of not following all the way through even what I thought I heard, made me tremble. So I did.
I shut it all off, deleted apps, and pulled the plug. For a whole, entire, crazy big month. No Birthday photos of the zoo (and the funny awkward place we landed to open presents). No first day of school photos even though it was baby’s first day of kindergarten (shared). No awesome quotes from the Pastor’s sermon. No pics of the chainsaw-wielding, tree shaping, sap-covered husband of mine. No Happy Anniversary ballads. Nada. Zilch.
Honestly, I expected to have tons of extra time, serene waters, clear thinking and do a lot of writing.
It was anything but that.
The waters were murky at best, turbulent more like. Just ask my husband, who bears the brunt of my mess. My thoughts were like mud and there was no writing, NONE. It was messy. Not in a “detox” kind of way, but in a “I can’t figure this out” kinda way.
Even in stepping away, life challenges us. Sometimes letting go is exactly what we need to do to find what we’re looking for. More often than not the journey to one destination is actually a discovery of something entirely different.
In the midst of letting go I found more of me. This month may have been riddled with more drama, more trials, despite my unplugging – but the diamonds unearthed have such intrinsic value, that I’ve only just begun understanding.
My vision is deeper. (Notice I didn’t say clearer). It has sunk past the noise to the deepest places within my soul, the parts of me that ache for it.
My dependence is greater. Oh man- when I can’t find any human words to write or type or even speak, I am grasping for His presence. I want more Lord.
My pride has been humbled. This is His idea, not mine, so I surrender my time line and await the very next step. I cannot control the outcome, I can only control my attitude, my reactions and my actions.
After a month of leaving social media I am back with a much more refined purpose. Purpose in connecting, really connecting. Purpose in listening, really listening. And the greatest discovery?
It isn’t what we do that refines us. It’s how.