Have you ever asked yourself that question? Ever wondered if you were betraying one for the other?
I sat on the edge of the bathtub as tears streamed down my face. He was right, and I knew it. But this decision was going to hurt. Something would be sacrificed either way. I whimpered, clutching the towel. As he listed out all the reasons I should stay and not go with my family, I heard the Lord whisper, “Brandi, pursuing your call will take sacrifice, it will cost you.”
Now hold-up, let me give you some details. We were on a mountain vacation with extended family and they were headed on a long excursion to ride a Steam Engine. When the Lord asked me to stay home (at our rented vacation spot) and not go ride the train with everyone else, He was also setting me up to be a better mom in the coming week. If I didn’t stay back now to write and be diligent in the pursuit of what He’s called me to do and be, then I’d stress about it later in the week when balancing my three children’s needs would take precedence. My husband would be traveling and my all-in availability was vitally needed. There on that tub God showed me the sacrifice of my obedience wasn’t about choosing between motherhood or ministry, but instead was a balance of the two.
I still cried, because my insecurities were engulfed in flames. Insecurity in the shape of family photos without my face. Insecurity about the impression I was giving my in-laws. Insecurity about the questions my kids would have. Insecurity with my thoughts of doubt, of fear….
And I wrestled.
Have you ever wrestled with a decision between two important roles in your life? Come chat with me about it over at God Sized Dreams. I’ll share what I was really wrestling and who won the match.