Every now and then she pops up out of no-where. I am never ready for her and for some odd reason I can’t ever predict when she’ll show up. Whatever. I don’t like her. She’s shallow, caught up in people pleasing, weak against the pressure to preform, fearful of failure. She’s the two-faced part of me and I’d rather forget her.
She’s kind of like a chameleon, changing her colors to blend in. Which is fine for a chameleon in the jungle, but a bit compromising for a woman in her community. This chameleon silences the positive changes and brags on old ruts and old patterns that frankly mean nothing yet sabotage everything.
She ugly. And while she doesn’t linger for long, she leaves a trail of self-defeat in her wake.
Have you seen her?
I have some thoughts about what to do with her.
First, Understand where she comes from.
This chameleon, she is from the past. If you look close, you’ll recognize her. And she loves to emerge when your past brushes up against your present. (eh hem – Highschool reunions or family gatherings)
Those reminiscent moments are familiar and comfortable to her and your new-improved self is an outsider in that town. Old self, meet new self. And no matter how uncomfortable she might make you feel, that is where you began. The good, the bad, and the real. Your experiences built your days. Those old friends taught you things. That family drama colored your thoughts. That nightmare, deep as it may be, motivated you in some way, right or wrong. And that victory, yeah, that one, it wetted your appetite. So don’t you forget, that old self, she has something to do with who you are.
She just likes it back when.
Remember, She got you to where you are now.
Those moments back when have had a profound influence on your todays and tomorrows. Every success you strived for through all those failures, they are the steps you’ve taken to get to where you are, and the same goes for your character. Sure, this blast from the past reminds you of all those flaws you’ve been working to overcome, but it’s that very work that’s kneaded you into who you are today.
If it weren’t for the fall out, the break ups, the disasters you wouldn’t have learned about yourself. Realizing what didn’t work with your personality, taught that old self how to become your new self. You’ve grown and changed.
So just remember. She may be reacting to this little reunion with the past, feeling far too comfortable back in your shoes. She did have a role in the development of you after all. But, those aren’t her shoes anymore.
Now, take the mic. This is your show.
Gratitude for her hard work is one thing. Understanding how and why she’s so comfortable in this memory is acceptable. But make no mistake. This is not her show. She’s had her time and now all those old insecurities, all those old attitudes and fears, they’re over. No more prime time, no more re-runs. Just because you encountered familiar territory doesn’t mean old you gets to have the mic. You’ve earned this place and time, it’s your show now.
You are redeemed. You are healed. You are whole. This old pattern of defeat no longer has power over you. Like a recovered addict going back to the hood, you are not prey, you might even be the rescue squad. You are victorious. Show up bold in that old stale place like a breath of fresh air. Stand tall in the midst of that rubble, stand firm in the wailing of envy. You chose change and are the better for it. You, strong one, have gripped the hand of grace and are now an overcomer.